So here I am again…listening to my 2 older girls play in the backyard while the baby (well i guess not so much a baby anymore at 2) naps. I find myself tearing up a lot these days and for a while there i didn’t understand why. I have now realized that i am where i should be in life and also where i want to be. Did something drastic change? No. Did Geoff get a raise? No. I am just finally content. Thank you God! I have learned to take everyday for itself and not stress what i can’t change. I have learned that there is a reason for everything and that alone has brought me pure joy! Somedays are tougher than others but at the end of the day I know I’m blessed. I have an awesome husband that couldn’t be more supportive, my girls are healthy and happy, H might have some challenges but other than that shes healthy and happy! Oh and she is also walking now…yes, WALKING!!!

Found this browsing the internet, and had to share as this is so true….

Hello?

New teacher, or therapist, or doctor? Is that you?

Oh hello…

I just wanted to chat with you a second. To caution you. Or warn you.

Please, tread carefully.

You see, what you might not realize as you look at me, talk to me, tell me your opinions, our options, our lack of options, and your predictions of our outcomes is that; well… you see that heart?

The slightly broken, definitely bruised one?

Yeah, that’s my heart.

My slightly-broken, definitely-bruised heart.

Now, I realize that as you look at me you might see…a confident parent… or an angry parent…or a happy-go-lucky parent…

You might think that I understand everything… or nothing…… or that I have all the experience in the world because I have done this before… or that I know the rules… or that I don’t know the rules and that is for the best….

You might believe… that I am high maintenance… or overreacting… or maybe neurotic… or disengaged and uninterested… or that I don’t really care… or maybe I care too much…

But regardless of what you see, what you think, or what you believe, this is what you should know:

I am broken-hearted. And it doesn’t matter if it is the first day or a century later. It doesn’t matter where in the “grief cycle” I might be. It doesn’t matter if the wounds are healed, or healing, or fresh and new. This heart is bruised. Slightly broken. Different than it once was and will ever be again. And when you speak, or don’t speak, in judgment or not, my heart is out there.

Some of “us” parents… the ‘special’ ones… can be a pain in the ass. I know that. WE know that. But we are fighting a fight we never planned to fight, and it doesn’t end. We don’t get to clock out at the end of the day. We don’t get a vacation from it. We live it, everyday. We are fighting without knowing how to fight it, and we depend so much on you to help us. We have been disappointed, by you or others like you.  And we are disappointed in ourselves.  We are your harshest critics.  We are our own harshest critics too. We are genuinely fearful, and driven, and absolutely devoted. And we also know, we need you. So please, be careful with us. Because as hard and tough as we may look outwardly, our hearts are fragile things.

This afternoon the girls and I decided to bake a cake, but before I opened my big mouth and agreed I didn’t check to see if we had eggs. Lucky me I had a duck egg left from when my cousin sent us home with a dozen or so and 1 chicken egg. 1 duck egg equal 2 chicken eggs right???

In my book 1 duck egg is the same as 2 chincken eggs....haha